Master Thyself — The 4 things you should ask yourself every hour
A pattern that I observe in myself, as well as in others around me, is that we oftentimes go a long time on autopilot; simply reacting to everything around us without taking a moment to stop and process. We are running from one thing to the other, like busy bees, never taking the time to clearly identify our thoughts, feelings, sensations, and energy. Acknowledging them, and sometimes fixing that which is broken.
We oftentimes forget to Stop and Process: take the time to clearly identify our thoughts, feelings, sensations, and energy. Acknowledge them, and sometimes fix that which is broken.
What am I thinking NOW?
There is this story about the Buddha that Tara Brach, A Buddhist Teacher and Clinical Psychologist, tells on her blog:
The night before Buddha’s enlightenment he fought a great battle with the Demon God Mara who attacked The Buddha with many thoughts and feelings: lust, greed, anger, and doubt. Having failed, Mara left on the morning of the Buddha’s enlightenment.
Yet Mara didn’t give up! He kept coming back and showing up when he was least expected. The Buddha’s loyal attendant, Ananda, always on the lookout for any harm that might come to his teacher would anxiously tell The Buddha “the Evil One had again returned!”. Instead of ignoring Mara or driving him away, the Buddha would calmly acknowledge his presence, saying, “I see you Mara. Come, let’s have some tea!”
Whether this story is real, fictitious, or whether its’ attribution is correct is irrelevant. The big idea here is that instead of trying to ignore negative thoughts and feelings or driving them away, we should acknowledge their presence. Once you acknowledge a thought it no longer has influence over you. If you catch yourself thinking a good idea, great! if you catch yourself thinking a bad one pause and acknowledge the idea.
Pause for a second every hour and ask yourself: What am I thinking NOW?If you catch yourself thinking a ‘bad’ or ‘negative’ or ‘unhelpful’ idea acknowledge it: I see you Mara, come let’s have some tea!
What am I feeling NOW?
Here is an example. I’m at work carrying on a task when all of a sudden a negative idea creeps into my head. I feel bad for second but I don’t process neither the idea nor the feeling that arises. I just push it all into the back of my mind and stay focused on the task at hand. I’m still executing the task, the idea is long gone, but now there is this turmoil of emotions inside of me that I have neither acknowledged nor processed. This continues until let’s say I get stuck with the task at hand as I face a difficulty or someone interrupts me. When this happens I might feel so mad!!! I’m NOT really mad at the task, or the person. It’s the bottled up feelings re-surfacing but now they are stronger, and now my productivity is gone and I feel TERRIBLE. If I have taken a moment earlier to acknowledge the feelings and then moved on to continue my work then my outcome would have been so MUCH BETTER!
Something to be aware of is that while emotions arise from thought and thoughts tend to be short lived, emotions last much longer than thoughts. Not just that but research has shown that sadness as an emotion is the longest lasting emotion and may last up to 5 days!
Emotions come from thoughts but they last much longer, some emotions last longer than others.
Another thing to be aware of is that not every feeling is fixable and not every feeling should be fixed. Anxiety is an example of such feeling that is NOT necessarily fixable and SHOULD NOT be fixed at times. For example there is good anxiety such as the one you have before a big event/big performance, which is a driver, at least for me. Fixing that may kill your drive. Acknowledging it is great. You know this feeling is there and better yet, you can act on it (such as by preparing for the big event).
There is also BAD anxiety that makes ‘unrealistic’ or ‘low probability’ events or threats seem real and eminent. Such anxieties, in my opinion, are often patterns of thinking that we inherit, or develop as we encounter certain life events. This type of anxiety can be fixed/reduced by taking a probabilistic approach. For example to calm my ‘I’m getting dementia’ anxiety I may google the probability of getting dementia for my age group, my demographic, etc… but beware this is a double edged sword! It’s often better
Not every feeling is fixable and not every feeling should be fixed!
Pause for a second every hour and ask yourself: What am I feeling NOW?Take a moment to check in with yourself; identify the signals (sensations or feelings), acknowledge them, and act to fix them(if fixable). Your life will be so much BETTER.
What is my energy level NOW?
Here is something I see in children a lot of times. My daughter is an angel 95% of the time, however if she is hungry or sleepy then God help us! She becomes this hangry (angry because she is hungry) mean grumpy creature who doesn’t listen and just screams and whines all the time! She will not acknowledge the problem and go eat, or nap to get her energy back up. She will just push through and keep doing whatever she is doing (play/watch TV/ …) resulting in an angry monster on our hands! I won’t lie to you I‘m sometimes guilty of the same when I’m hungry, sleepy, or tired.
If you don’t want take my word for it, here is an interesting research done on Judges holding parole hearings in Israel. The summary of the research is: Judges were much more likely to accept prisoners’ requests for parole at the beginning of the day and after lunch breaks than at the end of the day or immediately before the lunch break. As the Judges’ energy went down so did their decision making abilities.
There are certain things that you can do to boost your energy: Healthy food, exercise, naps, and goodnight sleep will oftentimes help, however your energy is also impacted by time of day (morning people will have more energy in the morning and night-owls will have more energy at night), day of week (I have noticed that my energy is amazing on a Monday morning, while dragging my feet on a Friday afternoon). Generally speaking organizing your life around your energy level is best, yet recognizing your energy level at the moment and your limitations will guide you to whether now is the BEST time to make life decisions vs. just do some menial/mindless work.
Pause for a second every hour and ask yourself: What is my energy level now? Can I do anything to bring my energy up? Am I doing the best work for my energy level?
What does my body feel/look like at this moment?
There is a lot of evidence that the body-mind connection is not a one way street. It is true that if you are feeling anxious for example this mental state will impact your body and organs; Your heart will beat faster, you will sweat, butterflies in your stomach. But the opposite is also true. If you are sitting slumped in your chair, hands folded, you might not be feeling scared/anxious/shy but your posture and the way you hold your body will ‘cue’ your mind which will start to look for an explanation or justification for this and you will suddenly start feeling that.
Again don’t take my word for it. Check out this interesting TED talk about Body Language and its impact on your hormones.
Pause for a second every hour and ask yourself: What does my body look/ feel like NOW? what sensations are going on in my body right now? If you notice that your back is arched, your arms folded, your face frowning observe that and then fix it. Sit straight, open up your body, and Smile… Life is beautiful after all!
Repeat this many times during the day until this becomes a habit… or just try it for a day or two and see how it makes you feel.
